If We Ever Meet Again
by LizzieBeth95
Summary: What happens when you've been given a second chance? Would you live the life that you were meant to live? Or would you risk it all in hopes of finding your true happiness? Love will always lead us back to where we belong.
1. Author's Note Disclaimer

**Disclaimer:** All CoN Characters/Locations are copy written to C. S. Lewis. I do not take credit for his work/characters. This is just a fan fiction based around the characters he has created.

All other characters/locations, (those that are not found within any of his books), are created entirely by me and it is to those that I take credit for. I'll always make note of what new characters/locations that I've created are.

**Author's Note:** This has been something that I've had brewing inside of my head, for awhile now. I finally put it down to paper and thought that I'd share it with all of you.

I don't have a summary written for this story, as of yet, since it's quite new and still being written. It's based, of course, around Caspian and Susan. The other Pevensie's make an appearance, at some point, as well as many other of our favorite characters. There will also be some original characters that I've created added in, too.

I hope you enjoy what I've written. Feedback/reviews/thoughts/critiques are always welcome.

The story is told from Caspian's point of view.

Rated T, for now. May change to M, later on.

To those of you that have left me reviews, thank you so much. They're very much appreciated and are inspiring.


	2. Ch 1 Reflections

**Reflections**

I twirled the ivory horn between my fingers, a frown across my face. It's been six years to the day in which Susan had left me. Six long years that have not erased the longing that lies within my heart. I miss her. More so now than ever.

I keep wondering why Aslan sent her away, but every answer to that question eludes me. He'd always told me that she and Peter had grown too old for Narnia. Yet I can't help but question that reasoning.

_If they were too old, how could they have come here in the first place? How could he have permitted the King's and Queen's of old to see, live, and breathe of what Narnia had to offer, only to take them away months later?_ I wondered, sighing with discontent.

Shoving the horn back into a drawer within my desk, I reached forth and curled my fingers around the quill that lay haphazardly across its surface. Several decrees, and numerous requests for other things, littered my desk as my people sought my approval for just about everything. Yet I felt no urge to take care of any of it.

A soft knock upon the door pulled me out of my reverie. Opening up one of the decrees without really looking at it, I dipped the end of the quill into a bottle of ink and proceeded to sign the paper with a quick twirl of my hand. "Come in," I murmured as I slid the quill back into the bottle.

"Have you even read that?" Trumpkin chided as he walked towards me.

My cheeks began to feel warm as the blood began to rise beneath my skin. "Not really," I replied as he pushed a chair across the floor and gently settled it before the desk.

Climbing into it, he reached for the decree and shook his head as he read it. "You need to get your head out of the clouds, Your Majesty. I can't believe you actually signed this. You just gave several fauns the right to build a fire pit somewhere within the Dancing Lawn," he replied, rolling the parchment within his hands.

Grabbing a lit candle and my royal seal, he promptly sealed the decree and set it aside. I met his troubled gaze with an anxious one of my own. I tried to form some sort of apology for my blunder, but no words would escape my lips. It was as if they, too, had been sealed shut of their own accord. Taking a deep breath, Trumpkin took the initiative and broke the silence that had started to thicken between us.

"You're thinking of her, aren't you?" he prodded gently, his blue eyes searching my own.

Nervously biting my lower lip, I nodded. "When do I not?" I murmured. "She was . . . is my entire world. It's so bloody unfair that Aslan took her away from me."

Standing up, I turned towards the window behind me and gazed out upon the castle grounds. Nothing had changed; and yet everything was different. The grounds were immaculate. The sky was so blue. My people were happy and content, enjoying everything that Aslan had given us. Life was good. We weren't lacking a thing.

_And yet here I am full of longing for something that I can never have. If only we'd been given more time. It would have made such a difference._

"There's nothing that you could have done, my Liege," Trumpkin continued. "Her time, and Peter's, had been counted. They were never meant to stay. Their paths were set within England long before they came to Narnia. It is to that life in which they were returned. They were only meant to help us find our way. To help us restore you to what was rightfully yours. Surely you know that?"

Clenching my teeth together, I did my best to rein in my temper. I was so easily angered, as of late, and Trumpkin's truthful reasoning only added to my furor. Taking a deep breath, I turned around to face him. "I know that," I replied. "It's just . . . it's so unfair!"

"You are still young, Caspian. You still have much to learn. Instead of mourning your loss, you should be rejoicing. You were given back the throne. You have been granted the right to restore all of Narnia to its former glory. The world is at your fingertips. Yet here you are wasting it away by moping around every corner, lamenting something that which was out of our control," he stated firmly, slamming his small fist upon the desk.

"I'm aware of that," I returned irritably. "I can't help it. I really can't! It's just . . ."

My words were cut off as the doors to my office swung open. Reepicheep sauntered into the room; the feather across his left ear rippling softly as he walked towards us. Unable to suppress it, a small smile broke across my lips. The mere sight of the noble mouse always had a way of making me feel better.

"Forgive the intrusion, Your Majesty," he said. "I was sent to fetch you. The preparations for the ball have been completed and your people seek your final approval."

"Surely that could have waited?" Trumpkin prodded as he slid out of his chair.

Frowning, Reepicheep shook his head. "Not really," he replied. "We only have several hours before the ball is set to begin. We have to make sure that everything is at it should be. Caspian's approval is necessary."

Snorting haughtily, Trumpkin bowed before me. "We'll continue our conversation at a later time, then, my Liege. Your services are now required elsewhere, it seems. Promise me one thing?"

"Of course," I said.

"Bask in the memories of your time together. Make her proud by giving your people back everything that is theirs. She would have wanted that. She would not have wanted you to be this shell of the man that you really are. She would have wanted you to live your life to the fullest. Remember that!"

I watched him walk out of the room without a backward glance, the door slamming shut behind him. Shaking my head, I chuckled softly as I replayed his advice inside of my head. I dissected every word. Analyzed everything that he had, and had not, said. My mind knew that he was right. Yet my heart refused to accept it. I could not help but continue to yearn for that which was not my own.

_Why, Aslan!?_ I hissed inwardly. _Why did you have to play with all of us like this? Why couldn't you allow us the right to make our own choices? Why did you have to choose for us? We should be the ones to decide where it that we wish to go!_

A loud cough startled me, my cheeks flushing with color once more. Yet again, I had allowed my thoughts to run away with me. This was something that I so had to stop doing.

"Yes?" I prodded.

"Shall we?" asked Reepicheep.

"Shall we what?"

Tapping his right toe impatiently against the floor, he shook his head at me with disapproval. "Your attention span is lacking, Your Majesty," he admonished. "We are needed at the Main Hall. Your approval for the ball's preparations is expected. Shall we go and peruse what has been done?"

The heat upon my face intensified as I gazed back at the noble mouse. Unable to offer him a suitable apology, I nodded my consent. Following him out of the room, I pushed all thoughts of Susan to the back of my mind. My people needed me and I had to do my best to please them.

_My thoughts of Susan can wait until later,_ I surmised. _Life must go on!_


	3. Ch 2 Wishful Thinking

**Wishful Thinking**

I surveyed the scene with slight disinterest. All sorts of guests from our neighboring countries had accepted the invitation that we'd sent out in regards to the ball. Princesses, and their ladies-in-waiting, were scattered all over the place, eagerly awaiting their chance at gaining my attention. None of them drew my interest.

I treated everyone courteously. I was the perfect host. So eager to please. Yet I was bored. I walked around. I mingled with my guests. I struck up such meaningless chatter with whoever crossed my path. No one seemed to notice that I was not enjoying myself. Not that it mattered.

This ball was a means for us to strengthen our relations with outside influences. It would help us gain favor in the long run. This knowledge was some thing that should have pleased me. It should have boosted my ego. I should have felt proud about everything that we were achieving. Yet I could not shake the despair that wanted so desperately to claim me.

Nodding to someone, every now and then, I flittered back and forth through the crowd. Meeting Trumpkin's brooding gaze momentarily from across the room, I raised my goblet at him in greeting and continued on my way.

Cautiously, I slid towards the entry way, making sure that I avoided Trumpkin's knowing gaze. It would not do if I were to be caught trying to escape my own ball. A slight smile crossed my lips as I felt the excitement that had begun to build within my veins. I hadn't felt anything like it in so long a time.

Placing my goblet on one of the tables as I passed by, I quickly ducked into the hallway. I looked about, making sure that no one had followed. Breathing a sigh of relief, I sprinted down the hall towards the garden and pushing its doors open. I inhaled deeply as a myriad of scents assailed me. Unable to suppress my grin, I closed the doors behind me and made my way towards the fountain. I dipped my hand into the crystal clear water, stirring it gently.

Closing my eyes, I imagined sharing this peaceful moment with Susan. I could see myself wrapping my arms around her, pulling her close as the slight breeze ruffled our hair. A smile would play about her lips as she lay against me, her arms resting upon my own. I would hold her, ever so gently, as we'd speak about anything and everything.

Sighing with regret, I opened my eyes and gazed up at the starry sky. _It's just wishful thinking,_ I thought as I sat down upon the fountain's edge. _Nothing will ever bring her back. Aslan would never allow it._

Tilting my head slightly, I started to count the stars as they glittered brightly above. I recalled Doctor Cornelius's lessons of long ago, remembering how eager and learned I had been as a child. Miraz had made sure that I was schooled in just about every subject, always dangling the fact that I would some day inherit the throne above my head so that I would do exactly as he had asked of me.

_And now he's dead,_ I mused. _His wife and child reside somewhere within the world that the Pevensie's had come from, oblivious to the fact that Narnia now flourishes under my rule. So much blood was shed in order for us to have achieved such goals. And the heartache that ensues is never-ending._

"Lost within your thoughts, Caspian?" prodded a soft, musical voice.

Whirling about so suddenly, I lost my balance and fell into the fountain. I slid beneath the water as I tried to regain my equilibrium. Sputtering loudly as I broke through the water's surface, I looked about in search of the intruder.

"Who's there?" I questioned, my teeth clenching as I realized that I was not wearing my sword.

Sliding out of the shadows, a small form came into view. Her golden mane lay in soft ripples about her face as she curtsied awkwardly before me. Her blue eyes were full of worry. "Forgive me, my Lord. I saw you slip out of the Main Hall. I could not help but note the fact that you've been ill at ease all evening," she said lightly.

"And you are?" I continued to prod as I pulled myself out of the fountain.

She curtsied once more and said, "Illianna, Sire. I'm Drinian's niece. I've been in your employ for awhile now."

"And you do what, exactly?" I countered irritably, twisting the edges of my tunic within my fingers as I tried to wring out some of the water.

"I help out in the kitchens, Your Majesty. Well, when I'm needed, anyway. Often times, I act as your maid," she replied, her eyes wide with wonder.

Sighing heavily, I let go of my tunic and assessed her from head to toe. "You're too young to be my maid," I stated bluntly, pushing my hands into pockets that had been sown into the sides of my breeches.

Blushing brightly, she shook her head. "Nay, Sire. I'm nine and ten. I'm old enough," she said.

"I see."

"Do you?" she countered.

"Not really," I stammered. "If you don't mind, I wish to be alone. It's why I came here."

She stepped forth, placing a hand upon my left arm. "You needn't spend the night alone, Sire. I am quite willingly to console you."

"Console me?"

"Aye, Sire. I've seen your distress. The forlorn look that always crosses your face whenever someone mentions Queen Susan. I am willing to give you what you seek."

I stepped back, repulsed by her words. "A – Are you crazy?" I prodded.

Shaking her head, she advanced upon me. "No, Your Majesty. I'm being honest. I can't replace her, but I can give you the comfort that you seek. I can be the friend that you've been looking for!" she breathed.

A sour taste filled my mouth as I tried to make sense of it all. _I cannot and will not debase myself that way,_ I thought. Shaking my heard to clear it, I drew myself up to my full height of six feet and one inch. I met her hopeful gaze and promptly replied, "Thank you for the offer, but no. I've no wish to make myself known to you. I'm quite happy as I am. If I've somehow misled you, I ask that you forgive me. I want nothing from you."

"Sire, I . . ." she stammered, her blue eyes wide with disbelief. "I only sought to give you comfort. I wanted nothing more than that."

Raising my hand, I shook my head at her. "Return to the kitchens and stay there. Tell your Uncle that you are no longer to act as my maid. I do not want you near my chambers. I appreciate your gesture, but it is not needed."

Her lower lip trembled as she gazed up at me. "Forgive me, Sire," she whispered. "I meant no disrespect."

She hurried out of the garden, sobbing as she ran past. Groaning loudly, I wondered if I had been a tad harsh with her. I couldn't help it if I was. I had no desire to share my bed with anyone. Not even her.

Raising my face towards the heavens once more, I closed my eyes and counted inwardly in hopes of calming the sudden burst of rage that had begun to flare within me. Standing there, I felt the breeze as it softly stirred my hair. I took no notice of the fact that my clothes were still heavily drenched with water as the wind began to pick up.

Allowing the peacefulness of the moment to consume me, I emptied my head of all thought. Keeping my eyes closed, I inhaled the scents that permeated throughout the garden. Soon, sounds that I could not identify reached my ears.

Voices sounded in the distance, angry and contrite. The sweet scents that I'd been inhaling just moments ago disappeared, replaced with something so unknown to me. I did my best to try and guess what they were, but nothing substantial came to mind.

Opening my eyes, I looked about with surprise. I was no longer standing within my garden. I found myself in a deserted square, still drenched from my fall into the fountain. Frowning, I tried to make sense of where I now stood. Remembering what Susan had told me about her world, I realized that I was now somewhere within England. Where exactly, I did not know.

Urging my feet forward, I walked forth in hopes of finding my way out of the deserted square. My heart began to race as I came to understand that I had somehow made it to a world that I had always dreamed of. A world where Susan always existed.

_But how do I find her?_ I wondered. _Where do I begin?_

Unaware of where I was going, I failed to notice the fact that someone nearby had recognized me. I took in everything. The buildings. The odd contraptions as they moved back and forth. The people and their assortment of clothes and bags as they walked past. Papers littered the ground, here and there.

Laughing loudly as I came to a stop, I was unaware of where it was that I now stood. Nor did I care. All that mattered to me was that I was now a part of Susan's world.

I could not help but wonder if my coming to England had been Aslan's doing. _Has he granted me my wish? Has he allowed me the right to seek Susan? Am I truly allowed to be happy?_

A hand descended upon my shoulder, pulling me out of my reverie. Turning about, I gazed into a face that I had once known so well. Blinking with surprise, I tried to form the words that would allow me to greet the person that now stood before me properly. Again, I was at a loss for words.

"Caspian?" said Peter as he gazed back at me with bewilderment. "H – How did you get here?"

Licking my lips, I tried to speak once more. Unable to withstand the impact of it all, I did the only that I was capable of. For the first time in my entire life, I fainted and crumpled into a heap at Peter's feet.


	4. Ch 3 All Is Not Lost

**All Is Not Lost**

I awoke heavily disoriented. The room in which I found myself in was quite foreign to me. It was pleasantly furnished, much to my surprise. How I had gotten to this place, I did not know. I recalled seeing Peter and the surprise that had lain upon his face as we'd come face to face. I remembered trying to form words in which to greet him with, but nothing had been able to slip past my lips.

The last thing that I remembered before fainting was Peter's asking me how I had gotten to England. I sorely wished that I could tell him how this had occurred, but I could not. Pushing myself into a sitting position, I gazed about and surveyed the room. I was in the process of sliding off of the bed when the door swung open.

"Caspian?" asked Peter, his brow furrowed as he met my startled gaze.

"Yes?"

"I came to see if you were finally awake. How do you feel?"

"Disoriented," I said. "Is it normal after having crossed into another world?"

"We never experienced anything like that after coming back from Narnia, sadly," he mused. "It might be different for you, though. I've had a meal prepared. Would you like to join us?"

I shrugged nonchalantly, nervously running my fingers through my tousled locks. "Who is us, exactly?" I prodded.

"Edmund and Lucy."

"And Susan?" I questioned, my heart racing with anticipation.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Peter looked down towards his feet. "She's not in England, Caspian. She's gone and I don't think that she'll ever be back," he replied.

"Gone?" I stammered. "Where?"

"America," he said. "She's been there for several years."

I began to pace back and forth, trying to still the sense of hopelessness that had begun to rise within me. I had somehow come all this way to see her only to find that she was still out of my reach. My jaw clenched tightly, teeth scraping loudly.

"It is possible to go to her?" I asked, turning around to face him.

Frowning, Peter's eyes narrowed as he assessed me from head to toe. "It is, but why would you want to? She doesn't remember Narnia, Caspian," he replied. "To her, it was just a game that we played."

"I don't believe that," I argued. "She has to remember. She must know that Narnia really does exist. Surely, she remembers me?"

He shook his head. "If she does, she never said so. Upon being sent back, she became an entirely different person. Whenever we would mention Narnia, or you, she'd pretend that it was just something we thought of as children. Why she stopped believing, we do not know."

"I want to see her," I said abruptly, refusing to give up on her.

"It's not possible, Caspian."

"Why not?"

"Haven't you been listening?"

Meeting his volatile gaze with my own, I replied, "I have and I refuse to accept any of it. We have to find her, Peter. We have to make her believe again. She has to. For me. For you. For Narnia!"

Throwing back his head, Peter began to laugh loudly. "My God, man," he chortled. "You haven't changed at all. You're still determined to make a difference in any way possible."

"I am King, Peter," I stated firmly. "So are you. You know well what it is like to take up the reins in hopes of leading your kingdom to prosperity. You, Lucy, Edmund, and my beloved, Susan, are all a part of Narnia. Aslan bestowed upon all of you privileges that he deemed fit. You mustn't forget that."

Taking a deep breath, he nodded. "I haven't, Caspian. But what can I . . . we do? We were sent back home. Aslan said that we were not to return to Narnia. You remember that, don't you?"

Growling with impatience, I began to pace once more. _This can't be happening. How can he be so dense? Can't he see that I am here for a reason, whatever it may be?_ I wondered.

I could feel his eyes upon me as I moved about, knowing that he was unsure of what to say or do. Turning everything around inside of my head, I picked it all apart and analyzed everything from every angle. I was good at that and could always be counted upon in finding solutions for just about everything.

Walking towards him, I placed an unsteady hand upon his shoulder. "You want to protect her, Peter, and I commend you for doing so. But you have to understand that I am not here to hurt her. She's a part of my world. As are all of you. I think I was sent here to save her. From what, I do not know, but I have to try."

"And if you fail?" he asked, his blues narrowed slightly.

"I won't."

"This isn't a game, Caspian," he said. "These are our lives that you're playing with."

"I know that, Peter. Quite well, thank you very much. I swear, you accuse me of being stubborn, but you're just as bad!" I shot back.

A smile broke out across his lips so unexpectedly that it caught me by surprise. "We're cut from the same cloth, aren't we?" he mused, his blue eyes shining.

"Somewhat," I said, returning the smile. "What shall we do now?"

"We are going to set this conversation aside and grab something to eat. The food must be cold by now. I think Edmund and Lucy have waited for us long enough, don't you?"

"But I haven't finished with what I have to say!"

Raising his hand, he shook his head once more. "Later, Caspian. We have time enough to sort it all out. For now, let us all sit down to a quiet supper and rejoice in the fact that we're all together again. Well, almost all of us, anyway."

"But . . ." I stammered as his eyes centered upon me.

"Please," he pleaded.

Accepting defeat, I nodded. "Very well. I'll do as you ask. I do this unwillingly. I hope you know that."

"Understood," he said, patting me across the shoulder as he led me out of the room. "Edmund and Lucy will want to know how you got here. I'm curious about that, too."

"I honestly don't know, Peter. I wish I could explain it."

"There's a suitable explanation for it all, I'm sure. Aslan knows what he is doing."

"Does he?"

Peter stopped within his tracks as we approached the dining room doors and turned to face me. "You doubt him?" he prodded, a frown deepening upon his brow.

"Sometimes," I confirmed, my teeth worrying the fullness of my lower lip.

"Why is that?"

I shrugged. "It's hard to accept, at times, that he's made the best choices for us all. Sometimes, I can't help but wonder what would have happened if he'd allowed all of you to stay in Narnia."

"I see," said Peter. "And if . . ."

"Caspian!" shouted Lucy, cutting him off as she pushed open the dining room doors and launched herself into my arms. "You're here!"

A smile broke through my lips as I hugged her tightly to me. "Lucy, dear! How have you been?"

Chuckling behind her, Edmund shook his head. "You have to excuse her," he said. "She mentions you and Narnia a lot. You're being here is something we've always wanted but never thought that we'd actually get to see."

My eyes widened with surprise. "Y-You've wanted me here? In England?"

"Of course, silly!" Lucy stated. "Why wouldn't we? It's only fair, you know."

"Well, yes, but . . ."

She placed several fingers against my lips and shook her head. "Don't question things, Caspian. It's in your nature, I know, but don't do it. Accept the fact that you are here, with us, with open arms. You have a purpose to fulfill. What it is and what you have to do, we know naught but we will help you find it," she replied lightly.

Swallowing heavily over the lump that had begun to form within my throat, I tried to find it within myself to believe in her words. My faith had wavered, off and on, during the past six years. I'd fought against certain beliefs because I'd refused to accept that Aslan had sent Susan away for her own good. I'd always believed that Aslan had simply wanted to separate us. I'd always thought that he had taken Susan away from me because he'd never wanted me to have her in the first place.

_Was I wrong about that?_ I asked myself. _Did Aslan really send me here? Is there something that I'm meant to do? Am I meant to find her before its too late?_

Sensing my distress, Lucy smiled softly and patted her hands against my own. "Let us worry about that later," she said, her smile broadening as I allowed her to lead me into the dining room. "The food is getting cold. Let us have supper together."

Edmund and Peter followed us inside, taking their places at the table. Nervously, I sat down in one of the chairs and watched as they began to fill several plates with food. Lucy handed one to me, a reassuring smile lighting up the contours of her face. I accepted it with an answering smile of my own. Peter murmured several words before he voraciously dug into the food.

I soon did the same, savoring the different textures and flavors of what I was eating. We joked and laughed as we ate, sharing stories of both England and Narnia. They asked questions about things in which they'd wanted to know. I did my best to answer everything that they asked of me. For those brief moments, it was as if we'd never left each others company.

Tears came unbidden as I remembered the countless times that we'd all sit around the table supping in the Great Hall back home. Every moment. Every gesture. Every word. I remembered it all.

Most of all, I remembered Susan. Her regal, yet gentle, ways. How she'd admonish us when we'd get out of hand. She had always kept us all in line.

As I sat there reminiscing, I realized that I truly missed that. I missed her presence. Her laughter. Her smile. Those rare moments when I'd catch her crying in a corner somewhere.

_Susan . . ._ my mind screamed. _Where are you?_

Blinking several times in hopes of pushing back the tears, I did my best to focus on what the rest were saying. I was losing myself to the myriad of thoughts that were rapidly swirling within my head, knowing that it was wrong of me to do so. I was here, in their home. I should have been enjoying it all. It was everything that I could have asked for and more. Yet I kept finding myself thinking about the one thing that kept me going.

_Susan . . ._

I couldn't forget. I refused to. My mind, and my heart, knew it. The others seemed to accept that Susan was gone. They didn't seem to care about her the way that I did. It was as if she was just someone they remembered in passing. Someone they knew, but would not openly acknowledge.

My eyes widened as I saw what it was that I had to do. I was here to save not only Susan, but the rest, as well. They saw her as something fickle. Thought her to be someone selfish. Someone whose only wish was to please herself.

Yet I saw what they did not. Susan was hurting, just as much as I was. Something told me that she remembered everything. That she was struggling to accept the fact that Aslan had told her that she could never return to Narnia.

_She loved me,_ I surmised. _It's as simple as that. It explains it all. In leaving Narnia, she probably thought that we would never see one another again. She surrendered herself to a life that didn't include me because Aslan had somehow made her think that there was no other choice for her but to leave. And in doing so, she's destroying herself._

Lucy's laughter brought me back to reality. I watched as Edmund threw a piece of bread at her. Dodging it, she grabbed a spoonful of mashed potatoes and shot it back at him. Peter chortled heartily as he pushed himself to the side in hopes of avoiding being caught in the crossfire. He turned towards me, his knowing eyes full of worry.

A sad smile crossed his lips as he, too, came to realize that the time we all had together was unknown. That it wouldn't last forever. I had a mission to fulfill and time was of the essence. Edmund, Lucy, and Peter were the means in which I could do what needed to be done. They knew exactly where Susan was. With, or without, their help, I was going to find her. For her sake, and mine, I had to at least try.


	5. Ch 4 Setting Differences Aside

**Setting Differences Aside**

"So where exactly am I?" I prodded as I pushed my plate aside and settled back into my chair.

"You're in Finchley," said Edmund, a loud belch coming from his lips. "Excuse me!"

Lucy giggled, shaking her head at him. "You have to forgive him. His manners haven't exactly improved," she admonished, her blue eyes narrowed as she gazed upon her brother.

"They have, too!" he shouted. "But only a little!"

Chuckling softly, I watched as they bickered back and forth. The camaraderie that they shared between them had not changed in all this time. A sense of sorrow consumed me as I realized that their camaraderie did not extend towards Susan. To them, she was an outsider. She did not fall within the balance of their lives.

_And all because she stopped believing in the same things that we've believed in. If only they could open their eyes and see her for who, and what she truly is. How sad it must be, _I pondered. _To be rejected by your own family._

_You know well what that is like Caspian,_ my libido replied. _You were only useful to Miraz up until the moment that he produced an heir._

_True,_ I shot back. _But it is nothing compared to this. They keep Susan at a distance because of the fact that she chose to walk a different path. A path that seemed to be the only logical solution for her, at the time._

_You can help change things,_ my libido continued.

_I'm going to try. Time will only tell if it will truly be possible._

My thoughts soon scattered as a loud snap caught my attention. I looked up to find Lucy waving her fingers back and forth in front of me. "Yes?" I prodded gently, my cheeks aflame.

"What have you been thinking about?" she asked.

"Why?" I mused, sliding out of my chair.

"We've been trying to gain your attention for several minutes now. A most peculiar expression crossed your face."

"Forgive me," I mumbled. "I was pondering several things at once."

Unable to contain himself, Peter started to laugh. "I'm sorry, but this is all highly amusing. Usually you're so composed," he chided.

I raised my chin at him defiantly, my eyes narrowing slightly as I gazed back at him. "Yes, well, how would you feel if you were to find yourself in such a strange place?" I grated haughtily. "But you already know what that's like, don't you?"

The friendly atmosphere between us dissipated as Peter and I glared at one another. Lucy tried to lighten things between us, but her efforts were for naught. I refused to bow down to Peter's chastisement. An argument soon ensued between us. Sighing with exasperation, Edmund intervened.

"Enough!" he demanded. "The two of you really need to set aside your differences, once and for all. We're on the same side, for Pete's sake. I understand the underlying rivalry that lies between you both, but really, it has to stop. It's going to tear us apart if you both keep it up."

Throwing back his head, Peter snorted with derision. "That's easier said than done, you know," he stated, his nostrils flaring with suppressed anger.

Shaking his head, Edmund continued. "I think the reason that you're always butting heads with Caspian is because you always think you're better than him. I think it stems from the fact that Aslan appointed you as High King of Narnia. You must accept that Caspian rules Narnia now. That it doesn't change the fact that you're still High King. It just means that Narnia is in someone else's hands now and not ours. As Aslan once said, _'Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen'_. Whereas we were granted the right to be Kings and Queens, Caspian was born to the privilege. He has as much right to rule as we do."

"He's still a Telmarine!" Peter hotly proclaimed.

"He may be a Telmarine, but he is still our friend, Peter," Lucy reasoned. "We wouldn't be where we are now if it hadn't been for Caspian."

"Yes, well, Susan wouldn't have left us, either, if it hadn't been for him."

Stamping her feet loudly, she pulled upon several strands of her hair in hopes of reining in her temper. "Peter!" she cried, her lips trembling as tears sprang to her eyes. "You're being quite unfair. You, as well as the rest of us, know that Susan's change isn't Caspian's fault. You just want someone to blame for everything that's gone wrong ever since we came back."

"I . . ." he stammered, unable to meet my gaze. "I'm sorry. It's just . . . everything has changed. Sometimes, I wonder if this is all a dream. I keep praying that everything would be just the way it was before."

"But it's not," said Edmund. "We were given the chance of a lifetime, Peter. We got to visit a world that we could only imagine. A world so big . . . so grand that we never really did get to see it all. But at least we got to see some, if not most, of it. Caspian's being here is a testament to our having been in Narnia. He's living proof that we are linked to that world. We should be grateful to Aslan for the fact that he allowed us to be a part of it."

Sighing heavily, Peter ran unsteady fingers through his hair. Turning his back towards us, I watched as his shoulders began to shake. I knew, and understood, his pain. I had experienced it myself when Aslan had sent the four of them home, so long ago. I'd been angered immensely by the fact that Aslan had not allowed them to stay. Yet my rage had been mostly due to that fact that I had thought that I would never see Susan again.

"I know what you're going through, Peter," I said softly. "I know what it is like to live each day feeling so hopeless . . . so useless. To always wonder whether you'll ever get the chance to see the ones that you love so dearly once more. I had always imagined what it would have been like to see you all again some day. I have to say that what I'd envisioned . . . it was never anything like this. I'd always thought that I'd see you all again in Narnia. Yet here I am, standing in your dining room . . . in England, no less!"

Lucy turned towards me, tears coursing down her cheeks. "I've always believed in Narnia. We all have. Susan . . ." she stammered. "Deep inside, she still believes. It's just . . . she loved you. She probably still does. Aslan's taking her away from you . . . it tore her apart. It's why she's changed so much."

I swallowed heavily over the lump that had begun to form within my throat. "We will make her see reason, Lucy. We can bring her back. I know we can," I proclaimed.

"What makes you think that you'll succeed where we have not?" prodded Peter as he turned around to face us once more.

Pulling myself up to my full height, I held my head up proudly as I replied, "I love her! And she loves me. I am willing to make a difference, Peter. I am willing to go that extra mile in hopes of making her see reason. We mustn't give up on her. She needs us. I'm beginning to believe that Aslan sent me here to change what needs to be changed. Surely, we can all work together in doing so?"

Stifling a sob, Lucy nodded in agreement. "I think so, Caspian," she whispered. "She needs you. Where we have failed, only you can triumph. We deserted her when she needed us the most. We shouldn't have done so. I can admit that now."

Edmund walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Where do we begin?" he asked, blinking several times as he tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.

"Mum and Dad received word from her not too long ago. I believe she now resides somewhere in New York," Peter replied.

"How do we get there?" I questioned softly.

"By ship," said Edmund. "It's the only way."

"How long will it take?"

He shrugged, holding Lucy tightly to him. "Weeks . . . months, maybe. I'm not sure."

Groaning loudly, I realized that things were much harder than they seemed. Yet I would not let myself be deterred from the task at hand. We would reach Susan, somehow. I was sure of it. Come hell, or high water, we would make it to America. I would not let Susan, or ourselves, falter any longer.

"It's moments like these that I wish that I had the Dawn Treader, and all of its crew, at my disposal," I mused loudly.

"The Dawn Treader?" Lucy prodded. "What is that?"

"She's a ship. The grandest that you have ever seen. You'll get to see it some day, you'll see. You'll love her just as much as I do," I boasted.

"The ship sounds wonderful," Edmund commented as he released his hold upon his sister. "I truly hope that we'll get to see her some day."

Clearing his throat, Peter clapped his hands together and promptly replied, "We should head off to bed."

"Now?" inquired Lucy.

"Yes," said Peter. "I'm feeling a tad weary."

"What about the dishes? And the leftover food?" Edmund asked.

"The dishes can stay there. We'll take care of them in the morning. I will put away the rest of the food."

"I've slept enough, I think," I stated bluntly.

"Father's library is just around the corner. There are a lot of books at your disposal," Lucy offered as she stifled a yawn.

Chuckling softly, I nodded. "Thank you. I appreciate the offer."

"Ever the gentleman!" quipped Edmund, slapping my shoulder lightly as he walked past me. "Have a good night, then, chap. I will see you all on the morrow."

Searching my eyes, Lucy tentatively wrapped her arms around my waist and gave me a tight hug. "You will still be here in the morning, won't you?"

"I sure hope so. We have work to do."

"You better be!" she said, lightly brushing her lips across my cheek. "Good night, Caspian!"

"Good night, Lucy. Sleep well, my dear!"

Peter regarded me with hooded eyes. His mouth thinned to a tight line. He was waiting for me to break the silence that had begun to settle between us. Raising a brow at him, I slid my hands into my pockets and waited with bated breath.

Shaking my head at him, moments later, I said, "I think it's time we set aside our differences, Peter. I need you to stand beside me in what we are about to undertake."

Tilting his head at me, he pursed his lips and promptly replied, "I honestly hope that you can bring her around, Caspian. I want Susan here just as much as you do. I just . . . part of me really wonders if we'll actually achieve it."

"Your heart falters. I understand that, but we must be strong. We can't give up. Not now!"

Breaking our eye contact, he gazed about the room. "We failed her, you know. We never bothered to listen . . . to see. To be there for her when she really needed us the most."

I nodded. "You have a chance to redeem yourself."

"Yes, but will she be able to forgive us for our follies?"

"I'm sure she will."

He laughed bitterly as he turned to face me. "You're always so optimistic. No wonder she loved you."

"Ha!" I chortled. "I've had moments when I've been quite the ass, thank you very much. I can be just as bad as you, when I want to be."

"True. Still, you tend to hold to your station more than we do. It was one of the things she always admired about you."

I shrugged. "That's not really of consequence, right now," I said. "We're not in Narnia. Here, in England, I'm just like you. I am not King here."

"That doesn't matter, Caspian," he argued lightly. "The way you comport yourself speaks highly of the fact that you are well-bred. You were born knowing exactly what was expected of you. We, on the other hand, had to learn such things on our own. Just because you're here, with us . . . it will never change these facts."

I pondered his words carefully, knowing that he was right. Nothing would ever change the way things had been. Nor would it ever change who we were and what we had all become. Despite the fact that Peter and I occasionally saw things differently, we were still united in whatever it was that we set our minds to.

The underlying rivalry that we shared between us was just that . . . a rivalry. It existed between us because the both of us had been born to rule. Aslan had seen it within Peter when he had made him High King. It was why he always tried to counter everything that I tried to do or say. Because he, too, tried to find what would be in the best interest for both the kingdom and its people. Though we clashed often, we had always tried to make the best of any situation. Through it all, we had always remained friends.

"You should rest," I said, moments later.

"Trying to get rid of me?" he questioned.

"No," I replied, "but we have a lot to do and so little time to do it in. We'll need as much rest as we can get."

Sighing softly, he nodded. "You should get some rest, as well."

"I will, once I'm tired. The rooms in which I found myself in earlier are to be mine?"

"Of course. You remember how to get back there?"

"Yes, I think so."

"I'll bid you good night, then," he said, gathering up the leftover food and making his way towards the dining room door. Stopping within his tracks, he turned around once more. "Caspian?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For?"

"Everything. I . . . Edmund, Lucy, and I appreciate it," he murmured softly, walking out of the room without a backward glance.

"You're welcome," I whispered.

I stared at the empty doorway for so long that I'd lost track of the time. Feeling restless, I gathered up the empty dishes and found my way into the kitchen. Pondering what to do next, I recalled those rare moments when I would watch the cook and her maids run about the royal kitchen as they prepared our food and wash what needed to be washed. Although, I had always offered to help them out, the cook had always refused my gesture and would promptly shoo me out of the kitchen.

As I had never had done the dishes before, I took my time and carefully washed and dried each plate, cup, and utensil. Opening and closing several cupboards, I soon found where to place everything. Still restless, I picked up a tattered rag and made my way back into the dining room. A slight smile played about my lips as I proceeded to wipe the table clean. I enjoyed myself immensely as I moved about and tidied the room.

Standing within the doorway, I surveyed what I had done. Grinning broadly, I ran back into the kitchen and tossed the dirtied rag away. As I came to stand beside the back door, I acknowledged the fact that I felt quite at home within the Pevensie's house. I found myself doing things that I had only thought about back at the castle. Things that no one would let me do because they thought it was beneath me.

_If they could only see me now,_ I mused, chuckling softly as I stared out of the window.

Pushing open the door, I made my way outside. Sitting down upon one of the steps, I lifted my face and gazed up at the night sky. Gathering my knees close, I wrapped my arms around them and let loose the train of thought that had been building inside of my head.

A cool breeze fluttered my hair, reminiscent of what I had felt within the palace gardens. I prayed fervently that it would not return me home. I was not yet ready to go. I had things to accomplish here in this world and did not want to leave it till I did so.

I was still sitting upon the steps when daylight chose to make its appearance. I could not help but smile at this, for I was still in England. Silently, I thanked Aslan for allowing me to stay. This was my home now. At least it would be, until the moment that Aslan chose to take me back to Narnia. For now, I was where I had always wanted to be . . . in England with the Pevensie's.


	6. Ch 5 Faith Restored

**Faith Restored**

I watched the days as they sped by, anxiously awaiting the moment when we would all embark upon our voyage. Peter and Edward had begun to arrange for some vacation time at their prospective jobs, while Lucy had vehemently argued with her parents about being allowed to go with us. Although they'd had their reservations about the letting us all go on this trip, they'd finally consented in allowing the three of them to accompany me to America. They, too, were anxious to have Susan back in England.

It astounded me that the Pevensie's parents had accepted me so easily into the fold. It was as if I had always been a part of the family. Not once did they question anything about what we'd told them. They were content with the explanations that we'd given about my origins and did their best to make me feel at ease.

In order to avoid any questions as to where I had come from, Peter told them that I'd come from Spain since my accent was not one that they had readily recognized. Somehow, we'd convinced his parents that I was an exchange student going to school at Oxford. This meant that I'd have to leave the house for a certain amount of hours every day so that we could maintain the charade. To which I didn't mind, as I enjoyed myself immensely walking around and seeing new things.

Fingering the wad of money as it lay within my right pocket, I remembered the exact moment when Peter, with Edmund's approval, had given it to me. I had openly scoffed at their doing so, trying to explain to them that I had no use for such a thing. Peter had argued that I'd need it eventually, as he was sure that something would catch my eye some day and I'd yearn to purchase it. I could not help but admit that he'd been right. Although, it bothered me some that I could not return the favor.

A soft smile crossed my lips as I walked. _I don't know where I'd be right now, if it hadn't been for the children, _I thought. _I'd be lost or probably dead._

I strongly suspected that Aslan had purposefully dropped me off here in Finchley. It was as if he had wanted Edmund, Lucy, and Peter to stand beside me as we'd embark on this journey. We were doing this blindly, as none of us really knew Susan's exact whereabouts. The letters that she'd sent to her parents were all postmarked from different places. It was almost as if she deliberately wanted to keep them in the dark as to where she resided. Why she was doing so was beyond me.

In reading her letters, I'd come to understand her a little more. I could sense her pain within every word that she'd wrote. She felt alone, even though she had done her best to hide it. She'd tried to convince her parents and siblings that she was doing well. That she was lacking for naught. I could not help but wonder if that, too, was a facade.

Her words, at times, seemed so superficial. As if she were also trying to convince herself that she was happy, even though it was obvious that she was not. She spoke of parties and of her newfound friends. She described the places that she'd visited in great detail; evoking such grand pictures within my head that I, too, wanted to see these places.

With every passing day, I found myself missing her more and more. I'd wonder if she was safe. If she had food on the table. Whether she had a suitable place in which to stay. If there was anything that she lacked and sorely needed. The urge to protect her from anything and everything flared so deeply within me that, at times, it both startled and consumed me.

The blaring of a loud horn drew me out of my reverie. I stopped within my tracks and gazed about. I'd walked farther around Finchley than I had intended. I found myself standing underneath a tree in the middle of a small park. Unable to help myself, I closed my eyes and placed a hand across the tree's bark. A smile played about my lips as I imagined what it would have been like if the tree had come to life, then and there.

A sense of longing filled me as I realized that part of me missed both Narnia and my people. Yet the urge to find Susan overcame that longing. I strongly refused to return home until I was sure that she was safe and sound and back in England. Nothing, not even Aslan, could pry me away from Susan and her world.

"Are you sure about that?" asked a deep rumbling voice.

Opening my eyes, I stared at Aslan's kind, yet stern, face. "Aslan!" I stammered as my heart began to race within my chest.

"Caspian," he said, his amber eyes narrowing slightly as he assessed me from head to toe.

I lowered my head in reverence as I dropped onto my knees to kneel before him. "Forgive me," I whispered as tears sprang to my eyes.

"Rise, my child," he replied as he shook his mane. "I am not here to take you home to Narnia."

Wiping my hands across my face, I hiccupped loudly as I gazed back at him. "You're not?" I prodded.

"No," he assured. "I have come only to have a few words with you."

"Aslan, I . . ."

Raising one of his paws, he prevented me from speaking further. "I am well aware of the turmoil that lies within your heart, Caspian. I sense your pain and the fear that wells underneath the surface. Do not let it consume you."

"I . . . I'm trying not to," I replied, "but is trying, at times. The hopelessness . . . the uncertainty . . . I do not know if I will ever find her."

Stretching out before me, he regarded me with knowing eyes. "There is always hope, Caspian. If you seek, you shall always find. If you call, you will always be heard. Everything you need to succeed is always within reach. You just need to find the courage and the absolute desire to make it so."

"And if I fail? What then?"

"If you find the strength within you, anything is possible, Caspian."

Unable to maintain his gaze, I looked away. _Aslan knows,_ I thought. _He knows that my faith has wavered._

Placing his paws upon my shoulders, he patted them gently. "Do not dwell on things that are out of your control. You are not at fault for anything. Our faith comes and goes, but it is up to us to know what it is that we truly believe in," he stated firmly, his breath fanning across my face.

"I know. I just . . ." I murmured as my words failed me.

"Patience, Caspian. Patience! All will come together in time!" he said lightly.

Something flashed within the distance and I turned about to face it. Seeing nothing, I whirled about to face Aslan once more. He was no longer there. Frowning, I began to wonder if our having spoken had been just a dream. Yet as I looked about, my faith in Aslan was slowly restored.

My sword lay upon the ground at my feet, glinting softly within the glow that was emitted from a nearby lamp post. Bending down, I grasped it within my fingers and slowly drew it out of its leather sheath. I gazed at it with awe, rejoicing in the feel of it as it lay within my hands.

Smiling softly, I nodded to myself. _Aslan knows what he is doing,_ I thought as I slid the sword back into its sheath. _We shall prevail!_

Taking a deep breath, I secured the sword about my waist and turned back the way that I had come. Aslan was with us and he would not allow us to flounder. Though the task at hand was great, we would find a way to succeed. My life, and that of the Pevensie's, within this world and Narnia, were intertwined. Whatever happened, nothing would be able to break the ties that bound us.


	7. Ch 6 Time Is Of The Essence

((**Author's Note:** Upon posting this, it sort of removed the formatting where I bolded the first letter in the corresponding paragraph. There were several spaces previous to this to show it was taking place much later, but yea, they disappeared on posting. Hope this helps some in making sense of the story, since I can't place the needed spaces to lengthen/separate the parts of the story.))

**Time Is Of The Essence**

Twirling my sword absently between his hands, Peter frowned slightly as he examined it. Fingering one of its sharpened edges, he replied, "What you have told us, it gives me hope. Knowing that you're here because Aslan wants you to be is very reassuring. I somehow think that he wants you . . . wants us to succeed in bringing Susan home."

"Do you really think so?" prodded Lucy as she settled herself into a chair and crossed her ankles daintily.

"Aye," he continued, sliding my sword back into its sheath before he handed it back to me. "I have a feeling that if we find ourselves in a situation that requires us to call him, he will come."

"And if he does not?" questioned Edmund.

"Then we shall make the best of things and find a solution to the task at hand," I replied.

"And if the solution does not present itself to us? What then?"

Narrowing my eyes at him, I took a deep breath and said, "If we can't find a feasible solution, I think that we should continue to move forward. My time here in your world shan't be for long. I strongly believe that Aslan is giving me a bit of time in which to do what needs to be done, but this time shan't be forever. I know that we have some resources available to us so all hope is not lost. We can make things happen. We just have to try!"

Pushing his hands into his pockets, Edmund turned to face me. His eyes were dark and brooding, a sign that he was thinking heavily about what it was that we should do. "You do realize that we're doing this blindly?" he questioned, a frown marring his forehead. "Susan's exact location is unknown."

"I'm aware of that, Edmund, but we have something to start with and can use that to our advantage."

"Indeed," said Lucy as she swung her legs back and forth. "Her last letter was postmarked from Brooklyn. She could still be there. In fact, I think we should begin our search there."

I unrolled one of the maps that Edmund had procured for us earlier that day, placing my sword across its upper edge to keep it flat. Crowding around the table, we poured over each of the maps as if our lives depended on it. Peter and I butted heads occasionally about where it was that we should go and what we should do. Lucy and Edmund spent most of their time intervening whenever an argument would ensue between us. In the end we settled upon the simplest of strategies in hopes of finding Susan.

As we sat there gazing at the maps, I realized just how difficult this was for all of us. We were going to America on a leap of faith. The only thing that drove us was the knowledge that we might be able to find Susan. Yet we were also full of dread. We did not really know where she was and we were beginning to wonder if we would actually achieve our goal.

We placed the final touches upon our course of action, praying that Aslan would help us along the way. Re-rolling the maps, I handed them to Edmund so that he could store them within his trunks. Making my way towards my room, I sighed softly as I slid my sword underneath the mattress. I hoped fervently that Mrs. Pevensie would not find it. She would most likely balk at the idea of such a thing being hidden within her home.

Glancing at the clock, I realized that it was still too early for us to gather for dinner. Stifling a yawn, I lay down upon the bed and began to stare at the ceiling. I soon began to feel lethargic as I pondered everything that had gone on that very day. Stifling a yawn, I absently rubbed my eyes. Sleep soon claimed me as I did my best to fight it.

**A** sharp cry pulled me from my slumber, moments later. A maid scurried out of the room as I sat up so suddenly. I gazed about, my heart racing with apprehension as I realized that I was safely ensconced within my own quarters back at the palace. Pushing myself off of the bed, I slid a hand underneath the edge of the mattress in hopes of finding my sword. Finding nothing, disappointment and disbelief soon filled me.

The door to my chambers soon swung open. Trumpkin sauntered inside, his wizened face taking in the fact that I was not dressed in Narnian fashion. Pursing his lips, he shook his head at me and promptly queried, "Where on earth have you been?"

"I . . . I . . ." I stammered, a deep frown marring the contours of my face. "Damn it all to hell!"

Trumpkin's eyes widened with surprise as I stormed out of my room and hurried down the hall. He followed at my heels, trying to make sense of what it was that I was trying to say. I was finding it hard to believe that Aslan had brought me back to Narnia so quickly. _We haven't even begun to make any headway towards finding Susan,_ I thought with impatience. _Why has he brought me back here?_

"Cease and desist!" cried Aslan as he appeared upon the landing nearby.

Dropping onto his knees, Trumpkin greeted him openly, astonishment written across of his face. Staring at the great lion with fury written across my face, I refused to bow before his presence. Aslan's yellow eyes narrowed as we engaged in a silent battle of wills.

Raising my chin with determination, I replied, "Why did you bring me back here?"

"You are needed here," he succinctly replied, shaking out his mane.

"I'm needed there, too!" I shot back, my jaw clenching with effort. "You – you told me that you weren't going to bring me back home and yet, here I am. Why, Aslan? Are you that determined that I not find Susan?"

Dismissing Trumpkin, Aslan bid me to follow him. Trumpkin hurried away, intent on telling everyone that I was back within the palace. My temper began to rise as I followed Aslan down towards the courtyard. On and on he went, exiting the grounds without a backward glance. We came to a stop near the edge of the woods, both lost within our thoughts. He broke the silence between us, moments later.

"I have been giving thought to the situation at hand, my child," he said. "I think its best that you remain here within Narnia."

A thunderous expression broke out across my face. "You think its best?" I murmured. "What about Susan? And the Pevensie's? They are counting on me!"

"They can do well without you," he returned as he sat down upon his haunches.

"H - How can you do this, Aslan?" I cried. "You drop me off in England, giving me a purpose without actually telling me what it is. Days go by, turning into weeks, of which I set things in motion in hopes of achieving my goal. You appeared to me, giving me hope for the task at hand and now I find myself back here in Narnia. What is the meaning of this?"

Tilting his head at me, he opened his mouth and blew gently in my direction. "Forgive me, Caspian. I realize that I told you that I would not bring you back so soon, but I have been giving thought to everything. I came to realize that your true place is here and not within Susan's world. Your people need you. They have been clamoring for you. I have done my best to keep them at bay, but speculations about your disappearance have arisen. I brought you back to show everyone that you have not been murdered within your sleep, as many have begun to suggest," he replied lightly.

Slouching with defeat, I acknowledged the fact that Aslan was right. I had disappeared without anyone knowing. The last thing that anyone would remember, if Illianna had said anything at all, was that I had been locked away within the palace garden the night of the ball. No one had seen me leave after she had hurriedly exited the gardens.

"I see," I murmured incoherently.

"Do you?" Aslan prodded.

"Not really," I replied through clenched teeth. "I – I am finding it hard to grasp, right now, that I'm back here."

Regarding me with gentle eyes, Aslan pushed himself to his feet and came to stand beside me. "You will go back, Caspian. I will make sure of that."

"And when would that be?" I pondered brusquely. "When Susan is dead and I have nothing else but my misery to accompany me?"

Shaking his head at me, he sighed. "I'll have you back in Finchley with enough time to ensure that you, and the children, will begin your journey. You have my word, Caspian."

"Your word?" I breathed. "You promised me that you wouldn't bring me back any time soon and yet here I am."

"I made no such promise and you know it," he admonished. "I told you only that I would not bring you back home, then and there, but it was not a promise. You thought of it as such because you have your heart set on seeking Susan. I commend you for wanting to do so, Caspian, as it is the need for her that drives you. But you should also understand that your utmost duty is to both your kingdom and to your people. They need you more than Susan does."

Staring back at him through angry eyes, I refused to acknowledge that fact. My hopes, my dreams, they were all centered on Susan. She was what I lived for. Without her, I was nothing. _Why can't he see that?_ I wondered. _My kingdom . . . my people, they mean nothing to me if I can't have Susan standing beside me to rule it. That is what I want. It's what I need._

Aslan's right paw descended upon my left shoulder; his presence regal, yet reassuring. "What the heart wants, it sometimes cannot have, Caspian. It is a lesson that we must all learn," he said.

Tears arose as I stood beside him, gazing at the outskirts of the forest. I would never have what it was that my heart desired. Love would never find me. Blinking rapidly, I fought them back. I refused to cry.

"What do you want of me?"

"I want you to be strong," he replied.

"That's easier said than done."

"Your kingdom needs you. You must hold your head high and rule it justly. Take the reins once more, my young king, and show your people that you will always be there for them."

"I've been doing that very thing ever since I was crowned king. How can they not know that?" I mumbled.

"They know, but you must realize that your disappearance caught everyone unaware."

Turning towards him, I frowned and said, "You were the one who took me away. None of this was my doing. Surely, you could have made it known that I was there?"

"Forgive me, but I could not. I allowed you to go to England so that you could set things into motion in hopes of finding Susan, Caspian, but that did not mean that you would stay there indefinitely. You knew that quite well," he stated bluntly, his eyes narrowed to half slits.

"Well, yes, but . . ." I stammered.

"Enough!" he roared. "You'll remain here in Narnia, for the time being, and rule it just as you did before. You'll place all these thoughts of Susan, and that of her rescue, out of your mind and do your damnedest to ease your people's fears. They need you more than you give them credit for. Open your eyes, and your heart, to what you have, Caspian. Narnia is your home. As I said once before, all will come in time."

Growling with impatience, I shook my head at him in denial. "No!" I balked. "You keep taking away my only means of happiness, Aslan. I refuse to stand here meekly and allow you to keep doing so. I deserve a little piece of heaven, too, you know."

Unable to help himself, Aslan found himself grinning as he witnessed the young king's determination in standing up for what he believed in. _He will make his ancestors proud,_ thought Aslan. _He is far stronger than he thinks himself to be._

"Very well," said Aslan. "I'll return you to England. I will allow you to carry out the task at hand. But know this, Caspian, time is short. I will give you the time required to do what you have your heart set on doing, but you must also understand that I will send for you at a moment's notice, whether you have found her or not. I will make it known to your people that you have set out on a quest to save Queen Susan. I do this, not for you, but for your kingdom. I do not wish to see it lost, while you undertake this journey."

I found myself at a loss for words as I stared back at Aslan. He was being merciful and for that I was grateful. Nodding my consent, I bowed before him and thanked him for everything that he had done for me. Inwardly, I acknowledged that I did not deserve his love or his mercy.

Patting me across the shoulder, he replied, "Fear not the unexpected, for the path will be shown to you when you least expect it."

A bright light enveloped me, cutting off whatever it was that I had been about to say to Aslan. A sense of contentment filled me as I found myself standing once more within the middle of my own room at the Pevensie's house. Aslan stood beside me, his eyes full of understanding.

"Heed well my words, Caspian," he said. "Second chances are hard to come by."

I knelt before him and nodded. "I understand," I whispered. "Forgive me for my insolence."

"You have always had my forgiveness, my child. You mustn't fear that I am angry with you. I am not."

"Aslan," I breathed, unable to meet his knowing gaze, "I truly am sorry. For everything."

"You've already apologized for your indiscretion. You have no need to continue to do so. Now, I've brought you back to Finchley. It is now up to you to do what you must, but please do so quickly. Narnia, and I, will not wait forever."

"Of course," I acknowledged.

"I bid you farewell, then, King Caspian," said Aslan as he reminded me of my station.

Within the blink of an eye, he was gone and I was left alone to my own devices. Standing there, I gave thought to everything that he had told me. Feeling weary, I made my way towards the bed and lay down once more. My eyes closed of their own volition as I slid into a deep slumber, oblivious to the world around me.


	8. Ch 7 An Unexpected Blessing

((**Author's Note:** Forgive that I haven't been able to update this, until now. Real life has been busy. But there's more to come for the story. I'll post more chapters as soon as they're completed. In the meantime, enjoy this one and let me know what you all think. Blessed be!))

**An Unexpected Blessing **

Unloading our luggage onto the docks, we waited impatiently for the attendants in charge to make note of it so that they could load it onto the ship. The air was filled with the heavy stench of fish and rotting garbage. Although the smell was quite unpleasant, we did our best to overcome it as we walked about. We would stop occasionally at one of the tents that were lined across the boardwalk offering food and refreshments for passersby.

Edmund amused himself by running up and down the length of the docks, barreling into someone unexpectedly whenever the mood suited him. Peter did his best to scold him whenever he had the chance to do so, but soon found that his reprimands fell upon deaf ears. Edmund was not to be deterred from seeking his own amusements. Lucy soon joined him in the fray, oblivious to the ruckus that they were causing.

Shaking my head at them, I left Peter to his own devices and continued on my way. I stopped someone in mid-stride and inquired about the ship that would take us upon our journey. Signaling into the distance, he walked away without looking back. As I turned toward the direction in which he had pointed, my eyes widened with surprise.

Swaying gently as she lay tied to the end of the dock was my beloved ship, the Dawn Treader. How she had gotten there, I did not know. My eyes widened even further as I saw Lord Drinian make his way down the wooden plank and run in my direction. He enveloped me within a tight, yet warm, embrace, playfully slapping me across the back.

"Sire!" he proclaimed.

"Lord Drinian?" I murmured, frowning slightly. "How did you get here? Am I dreaming? Is that really the Dawn Treader tied to the docks over yonder?"

Turning around to face her, he chuckled softly. "Aye, Sire," he said. "You're not dreaming. I, and your crew, along with the Dawn Treader are really here. Aslan brought us here just this very morning. He appeared to us and took the time to explain your disappearance. He told us about the journey that you and the Kings and Queen of old are about to undertake. He said that it was best for you to make the journey with friends, rather than do so while accompanied by strangers."

Smirking slightly, I replied, "Strangers, eh? The Kings and Queen of old are not strangers."

"That's not what I meant, Your Majesty. I meant . . ."

Holding up a hand in hopes of silencing him, I continued. "I know, Lord Drinian. I know. I'm quite flattered that Aslan has thought of such things. You have no idea how humbled I am right now that he has allowed this. I have not been in the best of spirits whenever Aslan has appeared to me and for that I am so very sorry. Somehow, some way, I shall make amends toward Aslan whenever I see him next."

"Aslan understands your sorrow, Sire. He has told us that much. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I have everything to be sorry for, my Lord," I breathed, my voice trembling with emotion. "That, of course, is neither here, nor there."

Patting me lightly across the shoulder, he nodded with understanding. "We have enough food and drink on board to last us for quite some time, Sire. Unfortunately, we do not have any maps that would allow us to plot our course but I am certain that we'll be able to find our way. Aslan has assured us that we will be able to make this voyage, although it shan't be easy. We, your crew, believe that we can make it happen."

"We have several maps safely ensconced within Edmund's trunks. We'll have him fetch them for you once we're onboard the Dawn Treader. If you'll allow me, I'd like to purchase some more food and drink for us before we are to depart. There is no telling whether we shall run short along the way. It is better to be safe, rather than sorry," I murmured lightly.

Turning about to face me, a soft smile crossed Lord Drinian's lips. "You have grown quite a bit, Your Majesty. I am pleased to see this."

"I have seen many things ever since I have arrived here in England, my Lord. I do not know if it has changed me for the better, but it has certainly strengthened my resolve in many ways."

"It shows upon your face, Sire. You are no longer the young man that you once were. I am proud to have you as my King. I, and the rest of the crew, will follow you anywhere. Just point us in the direction that you want us to go."

Laughing softly, I replied, "I intend to. Make haste towards the Dawn Treader. Inform everyone that I, and the Kings and Queen of old, will be embarking very soon. I will take a moment to ensure that everything is in order for our voyage."

"Very well, Sire," said Lord Drinian. "I will alert the crew."

Shaking my head at him as I watched him rush towards the ship, I soon set about in acquiring what was needed. I ran about the dock, placing orders for anything that I could think of. Each of the merchants assured me that they would have everything delivered within the hour. As I made my way back towards the ship, I soon found Lucy and Edmund as they sat beside our waiting luggage. I quickly filled them in about Aslan and the arrival of the Dawn Treader.

Taking in her purple sails as they billowed gently within the slight breeze, Edmund's eyes widened with surprise. "That's the Dawn Treader?" he prodded gently.

"Yes," I replied. "Magnificent, isn't she?"

"Indeed, she is. Although, she isn't as big a ship as I thought she'd be," he murmured offhandedly.

"Don't let that fool you. What she lacks in size, she more than makes up for it in other areas. She's been able to get us out of a tight spot or two in the past."

Chuckling softly, he turned to face me. "You needn't be so defensive, Caspian," he lightly admonished. "I trust you. If you say that she's capable of taking us to where it is that we need to go, then that is all that I need to know. You needn't explain yourself about anything. Not unless the situation calls for it."

I felt my cheeks flame with color as he met my turbulent gaze with a steady one of his own. Lucy's laughter filled the air as she looked back and forth between the both of us. Embarrassed, I cleared my throat and patted her lightly across her head. Wrapping an arm about my waist, she gave me a warm hug and smiled with encouragement.

"I think she's lovely," she said softly. "Knowing that Aslan has brought her, and her crew, here to assist us with our voyage brings me great pleasure. It's as if the heavens have blessed us!"

Rolling his eyes at her with slight exaggeration, Edmund left his perch and made his way towards the Dawn Treader. He encountered Lord Drinian along the way and promptly informed him about our waiting luggage. Patting him upon the arm, Edmund continued on with a smile playing about his lips. Shaking his head at the young King, Lord Drinian shouted towards several of the crew as they lazed about and instructed them in fetching our belongings. They soon complied; their faces alight with excitement for what was to come.

Taking my hand within hers, Lucy tugged on it gently as she began to lead us towards my beloved Dawn Treader. Peter materialized out of nowhere, having heard part of our conversation with Edmund about my ship. I filled him in with as much detail as possible as we prepared to board her. The crew greeted us with such enthusiasm, ensuring us that all of our needs were met.

"Sire!" proclaimed a voice so loudly that it caught us by surprise as we stood upon the deck.

"Reepicheep?" Lucy gasped, her blue eyes wide. "But how?"

"You seem surprised, my Queen," replied the noble mouse, his whiskers shaking slightly as he did his best to suppress the mirth that was threatening to overcome him.

"I am," she breathed. "I . . . I did not know that you could exist outside of Narnia. How can that be so?"

Shaking his head, he gallantly bowed before her and said, "Aslan has made it so, dearest Lucy. I am a part of the crew, you see. Wherever the crew goes, so do I. We were brought here to help you upon your journey and thus it is why I am able to co-exist within your world."

"What will happen to you once we arrive in America?" Peter prodded lightly, a slight frown upon his brow.

"I'll remain here aboard the Dawn Treader," he stated softly.

"And you are all right with that?" Edmund questioned.

"I shan't be alone," Reepicheep assured. "The crew shall keep me company. No one will ever know that a talking mouse walks across the Dawn Treader's deck!"

"But . . ." stammered Lucy, her mouth trembling slightly as she fought back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.

"I think it's for the best," I said, moments later. "It would not be prudent for us to walk around with a talking mouse at our heels, Lucy. People would think us mad, you know."

Peter snickered loudly, lowering his head to hide the fact. "We would most likely cause a riot. People do not like mice, you see. Someone would be prone to try and kill him if we were to take him with us. I'd rather we kept Reepicheep alive and well aboard the ship, rather than parade him around the city in all his furry glory."

"That would not be to my liking," Reepicheep concurred, eliciting a round of laughter from all of us. "Staying aboard the Dawn Treader is what I would prefer to do. Provided that none of you mind, of course."

"Not at all," I nonchalantly replied. "Why don't we take a moment and get ourselves settled? We shall be departing soon and I want to make sure that everything is as it should be."

Several groans erupted as we all dispersed in different directions. I decided to give Lucy the use of my cabin, as it would afford her much needed privacy. Peter and Edmund decided that they would share one of the smaller cabins. Lord Drinian offered to give me the use of his own, but I refused his offer. I had no qualms, whatsoever, about finding a place to sleep aboard the ship. As long as everyone was content, so would I be.

Once I was sure that our purchases and belongings were safely aboard the Dawn Treader, I gave the order for us to cast off. I could not help but feel a deep sense of excitement as I thought about what was to come. We were going to find Susan. Whatever happened, we were prepared for it. At least, we thought we were. No matter the outcome, we would make the most of things and hope that we would be able to achieve exactly what we had set out to do.


	9. Ch 8 The Past And The Present

**The Past And The Present**

Our days at sea were a tad monotonous. Fair weather accompanied us for the better part of our journey, making our passage as smooth as possible. For this, I was eternally grateful.

Although time seemed to pass slowly, we found ways in which to keep ourselves occupied. Peter and Edmund spent most of their time below deck pouring over the maps that we had brought along with us with Lord Drinian at their side. They plotted our course with careful precision, taking into account anything that could impede our journey. Lucy kept to herself, enjoying the solitude of my cabin. Occasionally, she would venture out and seek Reepicheep's company.

I kept myself quite busy as I made sure that everything was in order aboard the ship. When there was nothing to do, I would climb up into the crow's nest and spend my time musing over everything that had happened. Most of all, I thought about Susan.

I remembered vividly how her raven tresses would curl gently about her face, her crystal clear blue eyes shining with amusement. I recalled the feel of her rosy lips as she had pressed them against my own, moments before Aslan had sent them back home to England. Every now and then, the scent of her would assail my senses. My mind, and my heart, refused to let go of her memory. It was all that I had and it kept me afloat whenever the world started to turn bleak.

I began to wonder just how much had Susan changed. The Pevensie's had told me in great detail about some of the parties that she had gone to. They described her change in behavior and how she would deny the existence of Narnia. The thought of her openly scoffing at any mention of my world disheartened me.

Yet I would not let that deter me from the task at hand. With the help of Susan's letters I was able to get further insight into her mind. Edmund had brought the correspondence with him, hoping that it would help shed some light as to her whereabouts. Sadly, we were not exactly sure as to where that could be.

A loud cough drew me out of my reverie. Blinking rapidly, I stared into the face of the one person that had always been able to keep me level-headed. Rynelf's cheeks flamed with color as he apologized for the intrusion. Chuckling softly, I assured him that it was not a problem.

"Is there anything that I can help you with?" I prodded lightly.

"No, my Liege," Rynelf replied. "I only sought to bring you back into yourself. You've had such a faraway look upon your face that we have been fearing for your safety. You've been standing quite close to the railing, you see."

I felt my face warm as color flooded my cheeks. "I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings, in all honesty," I admitted.

"We know, Sire," he continued. "This is why we have gone to great lengths to keep you safe. Your head has been within the clouds for days. It's a miracle that you haven't withered away."

I flushed with color once more, unable to form a suitable retort towards Rynelf's words. I acknowledged the fact that I had barely taken note of the going-on's aboard the Dawn Treader for the last couple of days. The closer we got towards our destination, the more I found myself thinking about Susan and our voyage. I couldn't help myself in doing so. To think of one was to think of the other.

"I apologize for the lack of attention," I soon replied. "I've been a tad preoccupied."

"We know," mused Rynelf as he turned about to gaze at the clear expanse of the sea as it lay before us. "You're worried that we will never find her, aren't you?"

"Yes," I admitted. "I fear, at times, that we may not be successful in what we are to undertake once we arrive in New York. My intuition tells me that that is a good place for us to start. Yet what if she's not there? What then? Where will we look? Those questions and more plague me, Rynelf. Time is growing short and I have not accomplished anything worthwhile."

Pursing his lips, Rynelf considered my heartfelt admission. "If such a thing were to happen, Sire, there are other places in which we can look. It is my understanding that Aslan will not summon us back until we have completed this mission. I truly believe that we will find what we are looking for. Sadly, things may not be the way we always thought they would be. They may be good. They may be bad. Whatever the outcome, we must try to take it all in stride," he said wistfully.

Taking his words into consideration, I nodded to myself. "I appreciate your faith in us and everything that we're about to do, Rynelf," I breathed. "I am honored to have such a loyal crew by my side. You have no idea how I much I fretted over the fact that we were to have made this voyage with people we did not know. Seeing all of you, and my beloved Dawn Treader, tied to the docks that day was a blessing I had never imagined. I just wish I could make things much better than they really are."

"We are comfortable with things as they are, my Liege. We lack for naught. What more could we want from you?" he pondered lightly, his face full of amusement. "You have always made sure to provide your people with everything that they could ever ask for. It's time that you allow us to do the same for you."

"Thank you," I whispered softly, blinking rapidly to hide the tears that had begun to fill my eyes.

"I will leave you to your own devices now, Sire," said Rynelf. "Just make sure that you stop leaning so close to the railing from now on. We don't want to have to fish you out of the sea should you fall overboard due to your lack of attention."

"I'll keep that in mind," I replied softly.

Assessing me from head to toe, he seemed satisfied with what he saw. Clapping lightly across my right shoulder, he walked away without uttering another word. A sad smile made its way across of my lips as I came to the realization that the crew was quite aware of what it was that ailed me. It bothered me that they had noticed things that I had not. Yet I knew naught what it was that I could do to make things far better for us all than how they currently were.

My talk with Rynelf had opened up my eyes to what I previously did not see. For this, I was grateful. It was touching that they were doing their best to ensure that nothing happened to me. As I pondered that and more, I could not shake the sense of foreboding that had begun to fill me as of late. I tried to understand what it was that bothered me so much, but every time that I had come up with a suitable explanation for it, I found myself losing my train of thought. It was as is if I was not yet meant to find the answers to the questions that kept tumbling around inside of my head.

Taking a deep breath, I shook my head to clear it. I decided to find something else to amuse myself with, instead of dwelling on things that I could not change. Glancing across the horizon one last time, I turned around and made my way towards the deck below. _My worries, and all of my insecurities, can wait for another day,_ I decided. It was time for me to grasp my bearings and do what I was meant to do. The time would come for me to sort it all out, but now was not the time to do so. That much I was sure of.


	10. Ch 9 Admissions Of The Heart

**Admissions Of The Heart**

Ensconcing myself within my makeshift cabin, I took some time to pour over the maps that I had borrowed from Edmund. I had carefully spread them across the floor, pinning each corner underneath a bottle of ale. Picking up a piece of parchment, a bottle of ink, a quill, and the stack of Susan's letters, I stretched myself out across the floor and began to make notes in regards to Susan's whereabouts.

Drawing tiny maps across the parchment, I began to notice a pattern in her movements. Susan moved in circles. Each location in which she chose to send out her letters were not that far from one another. On several occasions, she had used a location twice. _Except for the last place that she'd used to send a letter home,_ I mused. _That location she has used quite a bit._

Tapping the tip of the quill against the edge of the parchment, I wondered if the others had ever noticed that fact. The pattern had not been that noticeable, unless you were looking very hard to find it. I wondered momentarily whether Peter, Edmund, and Lucy had ever given actual thought to the locations that Susan had posted from. _Would they have made much more of an effort to find her had they noticed what I now have?_ I wondered, absently twirling the quill between my thumb and forefinger. _What would have happened if they had? Just how different would things be? Would Aslan have sent me here if she were in a much better condition than she was now?_

Pondering those questions and more, I pushed the wooden cork back into the inkwell and wiped the edge of the quill clean. I put away the writing utensils and the parchment, hiding my makeshift maps and notes within a book that lay upon the table near my cot. Re-rolling Edmund's maps, I stuffed them into the bottom of my trunk. I would make sure to return them to him later on.

Exiting my quarters, I made my way towards the ship's galley in search of something to eat and drink. I was so engrossed at the task at hand that I did not notice the shadow that soon overlapped my own.

"Caspian?" murmured Lucy, her brow crinkled slightly.

Whirling about with surprise, I dropped the piece of cheese that I had begun to nibble upon. "Lucy!" I gasped loudly. "Goodness, you've given me quite a fright!"

Chuckling softly, she said, "Why are you sneaking about this night?"

Clearing my throat in hopes of hiding my discomfort, I replied, "I was a tad hungry. How did you know that I was about?"

"I heard your footsteps as you passed by my cabin. You could have had someone fetch things for you," she stated, moving towards the table.

"I would rather do so myself," I retorted.

Gently squeezing one of my hands, she nodded. "I know, but you've done so much for us that you should allow us to cater to your needs if we wish to do so."

"Hmmph!" I snorted.

"Oh, Caspian!" she chided, her eyes shining with amusement. "Ever so stubborn, aren't you?"

"Always!" I stated, grinning broadly.

Assembling the rest of the food onto the plate, she handed it to me and made one for herself. She slid a bottle of ale into my hands and grabbed a drink of her own. We soon made our way towards the ship's prow. Making ourselves comfortable, we began to eat; enveloped within an amicable silence.

"Caspian?" Lucy inquired, moments later.

"Yes?"

"How is your task coming along?"

Frowning, I wondered momentarily how she had known what it was that I'd been up to. "My task?" I said, wrapping my fingers around my napkin and curling it into a ball.

"Yes," she replied, a gentle smile playing about her lips. "Edmund had mentioned that you had borrowed the maps he'd brought with him. He didn't say as to why you've done so, but I assume that it has to do with Susan."

Pursing my lips, I nodded. "You're quite inquisitive, aren't you?" I murmured offhandedly.

"Guilty," she laughed, a dull flush of color coating her cheeks.

"I was pouring over the locations of her letters," I admitted.

"Did you find anything?"

"Yes."

"I see," she breathed, setting the remnants of her meal aside. "What did you come up with?"

Worrying the fullness of my lower lip between the edges of my teeth, I wondered how to go about in telling her of what I had found. I did not want to get her hopes up about her sister, only to find that I had been wrong about it all. Yet I couldn't keep the information from her or her siblings. They deserved to know, even if nothing came of it.

"I think I've found where she's been staying," I murmured.

"You have?"

"Yes."

A slight frown marred her forehead as she considered the implications of my admission. "What if she's not there?" she wondered.

I had expected her to feel more hopeful. To see her sitting there beside me weighing every option and possible outcome was disconcerting. "We'll keep looking," I offered.

"You really think we'll find her, somehow?" she prodded, blinking rapidly as a tear slid down her cheek.

Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her close in hopes of comforting her. "I do, Lucy," I murmured. "I feel it."

"You're always so optimistic, Caspian," she hiccupped, fresh tears running down her cheeks. "I wish that I were like you, sometimes. We gave up on her, you know. When she started to pretend that Narnia was just a game that we played when we were children, we did our damnedest to bring her out of that mentality. We really did. But she refused to budge. She was adamant that it was a figment of our imagination.

"Peter tried to get her to admit that it wasn't a game by mentioning you every chance he got, but that only made her deny things even further. And then there were the parties . . . her incessant use of make-up and clothing. She became someone else. Someone we barely knew. It was as if by changing who she was, she was changing everything she had known about her life and ours."

Gazing about, I replied, "Perhaps it was the only way that she could have dealt with being sent home, Lucy. Narnia was her home, more so than England ever was. She felt safe there. She felt as if she belonged. To have been torn from that devastated her. She not only lost a home, but the man that she'd come to love. She dealt with it all in the only way that she knew how. She closed herself off to the possibility that she would ever see Narnia, much less me, ever again."

"You really love her that much, don't you?" she wondered.

"Yes," I said. "I love her more than anything. I suffered, too, you know. When Aslan sent you all home, I found myself wondering if there was anything to live for. I hated the fact that Aslan had decided what was best for us all without really asking us what it was that we really wanted the most. I mourned Susan's loss in ways that you cannot imagine. I ruled my kingdom without really paying attention to what was going on as each day went by. If it hadn't been for Trumpkin, Reepicheep, and several others, I think that I would still be lost within that murky haze that I had called life."

A thoughtful expression crossed her face as she gazed out at the horizon. "Do you think that everyone back home is doing well?" she asked lightly.

"I'm sure they're fine," I stated. "The kingdom is in good hands, from what I've been told."

"Do you miss it?"

"Sometimes," I admitted. "Others, I am glad that I am here."

"Do you think that Aslan will let us return home some day?"

"I'm not sure, but I sure hope so. Perhaps if you ask him nicely?" I chortled.

Swatting me across the back of my head, she pushed herself to her feet and promptly gathered our plates and the empty bottles together. "We should get some rest," she suggested.

"I can take those back to the galley, Lucy," I said, reaching forth in hopes of taking her burden out of her hands.

Shifting away from me, she shook her head. "Thanks, but no. This will give me something to do. I've quite a few things to think about and a walk to the galley will do me a bit of good."

"Shall I accompany you?"

"Thanks, Caspian, but no."

Nodding, I smiled softly in her direction. "You've grown so much."

"Have I?" she questioned, returning my smile.

"Yes, very much so."

"As have you. Now, off to bed!"

Chuckling loudly, I took my leave of her and made my way towards my quarters. I was starting to feel the strains of the day and was looking forward to lying down awhile. The day had been fruitful. I'd discovered a few things that no one else had and was hopeful that we would find what we were looking for.

_Soon, Susan,_ I mused as I lay back upon my cot. _I will see you soon!_


	11. Ch 10 Faith And Hope

**Faith And Hope**

"Caspian!" cried Edmund as he ran towards the ship's railing. "There's land ahead!"

Sure enough, there it was. It slowly rose out of the mist like a sea monster preparing to open its jaw wide in hopes of sampling its prey as it lay cowering before it. My heart raced with anticipation as I gazed upon the strange sight. Ships soon came into view as we edged closer to the shore.

_We've made it,_ I thought, nervously fingering the hilt of my sword as it lay across my left hip.

"Amazing, isn't it?" murmured Peter, his hands gripping the rail so tightly that his knuckles were starting to turn white.

"We'll never find her," Lucy moaned loudly. "Look at all those people! We're sure to get lost within that bustle."

"Knock it off, Lucy!" Edmund scolded. "It's not that bad, you know. Think of the markets back in Finchley. It's about the same."

"Actually," I replied lightly, "this seems a tad worse. There are more people here than there is in Finchley. Heck, this place dwarfs Narnia by comparison."

"That's not true. Narnia is far bigger. We also have talking animals there. Surely, they must be counted too?"

"Nay," Edmund countered. "Our talking animals are in a world all of their own. Their numbers far surpass Narnia's actual people, therefore they cannot be counted."

"They are people, nonetheless!"

"To us, they are," Peter surmised. "We have known them all of our lives, therefore we know them well. But they are still animals, Lucy."

"And what wondrous animals they are," I proclaimed. "If it weren't for them, Narnia would not be what it is today. They played a large roll in helping me regain my throne. We must not forget that."

"Pray tell," Edmund muttered, "how is this conversation relevant to the task at hand?"

"It isn't," I replied, chuckling softly.

"It's only purpose was to help us while away the time. Look! The docks are getting closer!" Lucy cried, excitement lining the contours of her face.

We gathered close as the ship slowly inched toward land. Anticipation filled us as we thought about everything that we were about to embark upon. The crew soon ran about, securing the Dawn Treader to the docks.

"I can't believe it," breathed Peter, his blue eyes wide with wonder. "We're actually here!"

"It's all so big!" Lucy proclaimed, watching a group of people as they walked by.

"Should we hail a hansom?" Edmund suggested.

"We should take a moment to gather our belongings," I suggested.

"There's no need," said Lord Drinian as he came to stand beside me. "I took the liberty of having it done for you. It would be wise to leave it all aboard the Dawn Treader until you've acquired suitable lodgings."

"Good idea," Peter murmured offhandedly. "Shall we look around?"

"Can we?" said Lucy, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Let's go!" Edmund suggested as he ran down the gang plank.

I watched them run around, a small smile playing about my lips. I felt a tad apprehensive now that we were here in America, but I was determined not to let it deter me from the task at hand. Gazing about, I took in the buildings that were scattered about and the people as they walked to and fro.

_Susan is hidden somewhere within the city. Her actual location may have changed,_ I mused, _since we've been at sea for so long but that is of no consequence. We have something to start with. A light to guide us through the dark seas of uncertainty._

Lost within my thoughts, I was unaware of the fact that Lord Drinian was still speaking to me. His words seemed distorted as he spoke, as my mind refused to pay attention to the task at hand. Catching bits and pieces of the conversation, I shook my head to clear it so that I could focus on what he said.

"I'm sorry," I stammered. "What was that?"

Chuckling softly, Lord Drinian replied, "Nothing, Your Majesty. I assume that you have a general idea of where Queen Susan could be?"

"Yes."

"How soon will you begin?"

"As soon as we've acquired our lodgings. I plan to go to the first location alone. Although, I have a feeling that the children may want to go too."

"Of course, they will," said Lord Drinian. "They've come this far, Caspian. They will not rest until they make sure that their sister is well."

"I know. It's just that I had hoped to spend some time with her before bringing the children with me so that they may see her too."

"I see," he murmured as he surveyed our surroundings. "Taking the children with you can offer you the needed leverage so that you can bring her home, Caspian."

My brow furrowed as I turned to face him. "How so?" I prodded. "There is nothing that I have that Susan would want, Lord Drinian."

"Are you sure?" he countered, a knowing look upon his face.

"I believe so."

"Think about it, Your Majesty," he said. "Upon being sent back home, she denied the existence of Narnia . . . of you. Her reasons for doing so were based on the fact that she believed that she woud never be able to return. This is what we have been told by the King's and Queen of old. Place yourself in her shoes for a moment, Caspian. What would you have done if you'd been in the same situation? What would you have felt?"

I tilted my head in his direction, my eyes slightly narrowed as I carefully considered his words. _I have been in her shoes,_ I cried inwardly. _I went through hell when Aslan took them all away._

_But you would not have denied the existence of your world,_ my libido replied.

_Of course not. Narnia is my home._

_What if your positions had been reversed? Would you still believe in a world that seemed so out of reach? Would your heart continue to believe in what Aslan has told you, regardless of the fact that everything seems so out of reach? What then?_

Clarity fell upon me as I carefully weighed pros and cons of everything that had transpired ever since Aslan had sent the children home. The children's treatment of Susan . . . her denial of my world . . . my anger at Aslan for taking her away . . . they were just a stepping stone for us to find. One would that allow us to eventually find our way toward one another once again.

_Yet nothing had gone the way it was supposed to,_ I mused. _Susan drifted apart from the rest of her siblings. I became listless and bitter, taking my anger out upon those around me in hopes that it would alleviate the pain that I had felt deep inside. And yet Aslan was always there to pick up the pieces. He has maintained a faith that none of us have ever felt before, continuously helping us along the way._

A bright light suddenly filled my vision as I pondered this. I gasped aloud and shielded my eyes against it.

"I am proud of you, Son of Adam," said Aslan, his voice encompassing everything around me. "You have finally accepted things as they are."

"You have always meant it to be this way," I replied as he came into view.

"I have," he agreed, his eyes shining bright.

"Lord Drinian!" I cried, as I gazed about; overcome by the strangeness of my surroundings. I was no longer standing upon my ship's deck. "Where is he? Where am I?"

"We are in my country, Caspian. I brought you here momentarily, so that we could speak. Lord Drinian will still be standing in the very same spot as before, but he will have no memory of your having left. It will be as if you were always there," he said, contemplating the bright, blue skies that lay above us.

"I see."

"I am not sorry for how things have turned out. I wanted only what was best for all of you. I hope that you truly understand that."

"I know that now and no longer fault you for how everything turned out. On the contrary, I am very grateful that you've given us a second chance, most especially me."

"I am very happy to hear that, Caspian," replied Aslan, "but you're not yet out of the water. The path in which you walk is littered with many trials and tribulations. Convincing Susan of the fact that you, and Narnia, truly exist will not be easy. She has hardened her heart against everything, only seeing that which she chooses to see."

"I have faith that I can make her see reason," I stated softly, determination filling my entire body.

"Do you?" Aslan prodded, his gaze unsettling me.

"Yes."

"I pray that you will be able to withstand everything that will soon come your way, Son of Adam. Time is short, but you already know this. I have only but one warning."

"And that is?"

"Do not veer from the task that I have placed before you. Should you fail, you will never get another chance to do what you were meant to do."

"I understand, Aslan. Truly."

"I hope so," he said as the bright light encompassed me once more. "I truly hope so."

Blinking several times, I became aware of the fact that I was now back aboard the Dawn Treader. A slight frown marred Lord Drinian's forehead as he gazed back at me. A dull flush of color stained my cheeks as I came to the realisation that I had appeared to have been lost within my thoughts yet again.

"You have to stop doing that," he scolded loudly.

"Stop doing what?" I countered.

"Every time someone starts talking to you, you get this far-away look upon your face. It's as if you've stopped listening to what we're trying to say to you. Forgive me for saying so, but I've had enough of it. It's time that you come to grasp everything that's happening around you, Your Grace. You'll never convince Susan of anything if your head is always in the clouds."

Clearing my throat, I sheepishly stared at the tips of my shoes. "I'll get right on that," I replied lightly. "I appreciate everything that you've done for us, Lord Drinian. I really do. If you'll excuse me, I think it's time that I set about in acquiring our lodgings. Night-time will settle upon us soon and it would not do if we were left out on the streets without a place to call our own, for the time being."

"I pray that you'll be able to find something quickly, Sire. Forgive my insolence," he said.

Placing a hand upon his shoulder, I smiled softly. "There is nothing to forgive. You've done nothing wrong. Make sure that you, and the crew, are well-fed and that you all have everything that you require. If there is anything that is needed, make a list and I will fetch it for you accordingly."

"Of course."

I took my leave of him and promptly disembarked the ship. Aslan's words were still reverberating within my head. Hope filled me as I contemplated our conversation.

Things would not be easy. Life never was. Yet I had faith that we would be able to bring Susan home. She might be angry with us for coming all this way to fetch her, but in time, she would forgive us. Of that I was sure.


	12. Ch 11 For One Brief Moment

**Author's Note:** It's been awhile in which I haven't updated this, so I apologize for that. Half of this was written/saved on my cell phone so I had something to start with even though I'd lost the previous copy that had been on my desktop. This is different some in what I'd written previously. All in all, I think it's ok. I hope you all enjoy!

**For One Brief Moment**

We found accommodations in the heart of the city, although the rooms were smaller than expected. This fact did nothing to deter us from the task at hand. Pulling our luggage up a steep set of stairs, we stacked our trunks one on top of the other onto the left side of the door as we entered the small flat. Lucy promptly wrinkled her nose as the scent of old cabbage and rotting onions assailed our senses.

"Please tell me that this is a joke," Edmund wailed as he took in the thick coat of grime that seemed to settle upon every surface of the room.

Pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, Peter shook his head to clear it. "Uhhh . . . whoever lived here previously must have abhorred cleaning!"

"I've seen worse," I said lightly.

"It's not that bad," Lucy offered as she pushed past us. "We'll have it nice and tidy in no time!"

"Always the optimistic," mumbled Edmund as he rolled his eyes towards the ceiling.

Deciding the best course of action, we set about in tidying up the flat. Peter and Edmund decided to bunk up together, allowing Lucy the luxury of having the second bedroom all to herself. I'd set up a makeshift bed in the parlor, content with the little that we were able to acquire for ourselves. We produced a small feast, hours later, taking solace within each other's company as we ate.

The children fell asleep, soon after, leaving me to my own devices. Settling my sword and scabbard about my waist, I exited the premises with as little sound as possible. I decided to take a walk to acquaint myself with the neighborhood, hoping to find a sign, or two, in regards to Susan's whereabouts. Lord Drinian, whom had been keeping an eye on us from afar, soon fell into step beside me. I smiled and nodded in his direction, grateful for the company.

"You're thinking of her," he said, moments later.

"I always am."

"I've taken the time to survey our surroundings. This does not seem to be the sort of place that Queen Susan would frequent."

"Dully noted, but it cannot be dismissed. Several of her letters were posted from this area. It's a chance that we must pursue. Something tells me that she is near. How close, I do not know, but I intend to find out."

"And the children?"

"They shan't be left behind, my Lord. I intend to take them with me wherever I may go."

"They aren't here with you, currently."

"Aye, but they are safe. We haven't gone that far."

Lord Drinian came to a stop, curling his fingers about my forearm. "Be that as it may, Sire," he said, "we are not safe here. This place is nothing like our Narnia. We cannot keep you, and the children, truly safe here."

"I'm aware of that," I returned, a gentle smile upon my lips. "I thank you, and the rest of the crew, for all that you have done, and continue to do, for us. You mustn't fear, my Lord. I am still a soldier. I know quite well how to defend myself. That's one thing that I am grateful to my Uncle Miraz for; that he took the time to train me in the art of battle. Had he not, I'd be dead by now."

Chuckling softly, Lord Drinian shook his head at me and slid his hands into his pockets. "Aye, he did well in that. Still, the fact remains that your safety is not guaranteed here. I can't leave the Dawn Treader for long periods, either."

"I haven't asked you, too. In fact, I remember telling you to stay there earlier."

A dull flush crept about his cheeks as he stared back at me. "I went against your orders, I know, but I had to be sure that all of you were safe."

"And we are!"

"Aye, but . . ."

Pulling myself up to my full height of six foot one, I met his steady gaze with one of my own. "Worry not, my Lord. Aslan is with us, even though we cannot see him. He won't allow any harm to come to us. Of that I am sure. Your worries are warranted and I appreciate that you wish to do everything possible for me and for the children. Rest assured that I, too, will keep them safe, no matter what happens."

Nodding with approval, he bowed before me. "You have the heart of a king, Caspian. Your father would be very proud of you, were he still alive."

"I hope so," I replied, a small smile playing about my lips.

"Shall we return towards your lodgings?"

"Thank you, but not yet. I'd like to walk a bit more. I wish for you to return to your previous station, though."

"Which one?" he prodded, a mischievous look about his face.

"Keep an eye on the children till I return."

"Of course. Do be careful, Sire," he said, bowing once more.

"I plan on it," I replied, watching as he walked away without a backward glance.

Taking a deep breath, I turned about and continued on my way. I knew naught exactly where I was headed. Yet I somehow knew where I needed to go. As I came to a stop upon a dimly lit corner, I became aware of another's presence. Curling my left hand about the hilt of my sword, I prepared myself for battle.

"Who goes there?" I demanded, the hairs upon the back of my neck rising.

"Caspian!" whispered a voice, the sound a sweet music to my ears.

My heart raced as I saw the small shape of a woman across the street from where I stood. Although I could not see her clearly, part of me recognized her for who she was. "Susan?"

Stepping back into the shadows, she shook her head at me. "It cannot be!"

Willing myself to move, I took a step towards her. "Susan!" I said once more as an apparent joy began to fill every inch of my body.

Snapping out of her trance, she turned about and ran in the opposite direction of whence she had come. I ran after her, intent on taking her back towards our flat. She zigzagged back and forth into several alleys, trying to get rid of me. I refused to lose sight of her. She looked back several times, soon realizing that she could not outrun me. We came toward a dead-end, both out of breath.

Sliding her hand into one of her pockets, she pulled out a small dagger and aimed it towards me. "Stay away from me!" she ordered, her blue eyes full of fear.

Holding my hands up, I did my best to ease her worries. "I'm not here to hurt you."

"Who are you?" she questioned, her breath catching as she stared at me.

"You know well who I am."

She swallowed heavily, her hand trembling as she held the dagger tightly within her fingers. "I . . . I thought I did, but you can't be. It's impossible for you to be."

"Is it? What if it's not, Susan? What then?"

A lone tear slid down her cheek as she shook her head in denial. "My name is not Susan!"

Carefully, I bridged the distance between us and pried the dagger out of her fingers. I tossed it aside, curling a hand about her face. "If it's not Susan, what is it then?"

"I . . . I don't know!"

I leaned forward, brushing my lips against her own. "You needn't be afraid, Susan. I won't hurt you."

More tears began to spill down her cheeks as she refused to believe that I was really there. "No!" she hissed, curling her hands into small fists as she lashed out at me. Somehow, she found the strength to push me aside. "This . . . it can't be!"

"But it is," I reasoned. "I – we've come to find you."

"We?" she hiccupped loudly.

"Edmund . . . Lucy . . . Peter; they're all here."

"No!"

I reached forth, intent on wrapping my arms about her. She would not have it. She turned about and brushed past me as if I were never there. My words fell on deaf ears as she took off once more. Gathering my wits, I rushed after her. Taking several turns, I soon lost sight of her.

"Susan!" I cried as doubt began to settle inside of me. "Please, come back!"

I came to a stop, moments later; my eyes wide with apprehension. For a brief moment, I had had her near. I'd inhaled her scent and kissed her lips. I'd heard her voice and touched the softness of her skin. I had found her, only to lose her again.

I knew that I hadn't imagined her. She'd been there. Within my arms. She'd been real. And yet, I was now alone. It was as if she had never been.


	13. Ch 12 So Close, Yet So Far

**So Close, Yet So Far**

"You saw her?" asked Lucy, her eating utensils clattering onto the table as she stared back at me with disbelief.

"Aye, I did, albeit briefly."

"When? Where?" demanded Peter as he shot out of his chair, absently knocking over a platter full of chicken.

"Last night, while you all slept."

"Why didn't you wake us?" said Edmund, his face contorted slightly as he glared back at me.

Dropping into the nearest chair, I slid a shaking hand through my hair. I felt overwhelmed by the knowledge that I had found that which I had sought so fervently, only to lose it once more. Yet I could not deny her siblings the truth. I owed them that much and more. "I felt restless so I decided to take a walk. I confess that I took no notice of where I was going. Thoughts of Susan were on my mind and they occupied every moment of my walk. I strode down streets and alleyways, consumed by my desire to see her. I remember coming upon a dimly lit corner, promptly sensing the presence of another nearby. A sweet voice spoke to me. One I hadn't heard in so long. Yet it was one I knew so well."

"What did she say?" wondered Lucy as she worried her lower lip between her teeth.

"My name. She called me Caspian."

Slamming his goblet down upon the table, Edmund snorted with derision. "Of course she would call you that, you spineless git. What other name would she call you by but that which is yours by right?"

Peter slapped him hard across the back of his head, hoping that it would keep Edmund at bay. "Don't pay him any mind. He gets this way when something is not to his liking. Insults, as you know, have always been Edmund's forte."

Curling my hands into tight fists, I narrowed my eyes and nodded as I considered everything that had happened the night before. "She's afraid. Most of all, she is in denial. I think she believes that I am but a figment of her imagination. She kept saying that it could not be. It was as if she had truly closed herself off to the possibility of ever seeing me again."

Cleaning up Peter's mess, Lucy nervously fingered the edge of the silver platter. "What else did she say? Does she want to see us?"

"I don't know, Lu. I told her that you were all here. Yet she was not convinced. She balked at the thought. I tried to console her, but she ran. I confess that I took chase, but soon lost sight of her. We'd taken so many twists and turns that it was hard to remember from whence we'd come."

A thick, yet disturbing, silence descended upon us as we became enveloped within our own thoughts. I had done my duty. I had told them all that I had known. Yet I could not shake the sense of urgency that seemed to consume me from the moment that I had come across my beloved Susan.

She would try to run. Of that I was sure. Yet the thought of seeing her siblings was sure to keep her near. At least I prayed that it would be. _She might have a hard time believing that I am here, within her world,_ I thought. _But I've a sneaking suspicion that her curiosity, in regards to her siblings, might be sufficient fodder to keep her rooted within the surrounding area for a moment longer. Sooner or later, she was bound to seek us out._

A rough knock upon the door jarred us to our senses. Scrambling into action, Peter strode toward the door and flung it open without a care in the world. His scowl deepened as Lord Drinian took a bow before him.

"Forgive the intrusion, my Lords and Lady," he replied. "May I come in?"

"Of course," said Peter as he returned the bow and opened the door a tad wider.

Pushing myself out of the chair, I offered it to him. "Please. Sit down."

The room crackled with electricity as we waited for him to speak. "Thank you, but no."

"Is something the matter?" inquired Peter.

He frowned. "I'm not sure."

"Well, get on with it, man! Don't keep us waiting!"

"Edmund!" gasped Lucy.

He shrugged, a sheepish look upon his face. "What?"

"Enough!" I ordered gruffly and apologized on Edmund's behalf. "Forgive him. He's not well. What news do you bring us?"

Lord Drinian bowed before me, his cheeks flushed with color. Edmund's brusque manner had clearly unnerved him. "I apologize once more for the intrusion, Sire, but I came as quickly as possible. She's been sighted. Queen Susan is here."

"Where?"

"In the midst of the city, Sire. I gave several of the crew leave to see the sights. Rynelf, and the others . . . they saw her. They called out to her, but she did not heed them. She seemed distraught and fled. They took chase but soon lost her within the crowd gathered within the central square. We tried, Sire, but we failed to apprehend her."

"We must scour the city!" Edmund suggested. "Seek out every nook and cranny. Surely she can't be that hard to find?"

"What purpose would that serve us, I wonder?" said Peter. "It's apparent that she doesn't want to be found."

"We can't stand here and do nothing!"

Peter's eyes narrowed as he glared at his brother. "And how do you propose that we find her? Shall we set fire to every abode till we find where she is lodged?"

"If it will prove to be useful, then yes."

Lucy's soft, yet stern voice, unsettled us all. "That's poppycock! There are far better ways to achieve our goal, you know."

A hint of a smile hovered about Lord Drinian's lips as he gazed upon her. "How so, my Queen?"

"We must wait. We must let her come to us."

"That's rubbish! Our time is short. We cannot wait for long, Lu. Caspian . . ."

She held up a hand, cutting short his retort. "Think about it, Edmund. We are not alone. Aslan has sanctioned this journey. He brought Caspian, his crew, and his beloved Dawn Treader, to us so that he could bring Susan to her senses. Yes, time is of the essence. Yes, we're all aware that Caspian will not remain with us once he completes the task that has been set before him, but Aslan will not forsake us now. He will grant us the time needed to do as we must. I know he will, but we must all have faith in him and in what we are here to do."

"And if we fail?"

She crossed the small space between them and wrapped a hand about his cheek. "We won't. I know we won't."

Releasing a pent-up breath, Peter dropped himself into the chair that I had abandoned moments ago. "I've my own misgivings about all of this, as well. What if Sue disappears again? We'll never be able to bring her home, if that happens."

Clearing his throat, Lord Drinian sought my gaze and said, "Queen Lucy is right. We must give Queen Susan the time that she requires. Aslan will not take us home until we complete the mission he has given us. How long it may take, we do not know. Aslan will not allow us to flounder. I am sure of it."

With that said, he bowed and took his leave. Closing the door behind him, I pondered his words. The fact that I'd found, and lost, Susan had caused us to quarrel amongst ourselves. We'd done so in the past, but never like this. Bitterness and resentment coated our every word, causing us to say things that we did not mean.

"We mustn't come to blows. Our situation is quite precarious. Susan knows we're here and she will surely try to run. Yet we must also do our best to keep her here. How we will succeed in doing so is beyond me, but we must try. Bickering like this will get us nowhere," I murmured lightly, hoping that the others would see reason.

"I'm afraid," said Lucy, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Wrapping his arms about his sister, Edmund placed a soft kiss upon her brow. "I think we all are, Lu."

"What shall we do now?" asked Peter, his brow furrowed with consternation.

"We wait," I replied. "We must let her come to us."

Sighing with exasperation, Peter pulled himself to his feet and began to pace back and forth. "We shan't wait forever."

"Of course, we shan't," I offered. "She will come, Peter. I am sure of it."

"For your sake, Caspian, I hope so."

"As Lucy said, we must have faith. She will come."

The tension between the four of us dissipated as we gave in to the inevitable. The thought of waiting for Susan to come around was painful to consider. It was harder still not knowing when that might be.

Yet I had faith that Aslan would bring her to us. If she didn't come for the children, she would at least come to see me. Our lives were intertwined, whether she wanted to believe it or not. Somehow, she would come to see that realization just as I had.


End file.
